I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
