id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
