You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
