they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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