We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize