Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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