Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
