If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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