I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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