Already got asked if we're dating
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
