This is not my ceiling
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
