I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
