let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize