Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
