If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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