You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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