She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
