There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
