My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
