dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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