idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
