Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize
