We're like a lot better than the average bears
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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