For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
