hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
