Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
