bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
