yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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