Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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