When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
