Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
