When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
