I only kidnapped one of them. chill
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
