I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
