I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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