so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
