yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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