i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
