u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
