I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
