this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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