I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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