I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
