I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize