There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
