your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
