if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
