Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
