I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
