dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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