I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
please come you make the beer taste better
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
