I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
