Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
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