I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
