I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I FOUND THE LEGS
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
