I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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