I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
