Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
