Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
