All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
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