normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Randomize