Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
