I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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